Search me!

Realize that I haven't posted for a while.

I went through an odd period in September when I simply could not wake up.  I would sleep for 8 hours, be up for a few hours and then take a 5 hour nap!

It was extremely strange but seems to have passed.

Still have no idea why Universe presented me with perfect job and then didn't follow through.  Probably for my higher good though I don't know why yet.

Today I am beginning a 30-day experiment.

I am going to imagine my perfect work situation for 10 minutes every day.  I don't plan to do anything at all about finding work but that (unless expressly inspired by the Universe).

Visualization is the key to manifestation (or so I am told).  I am not only going to visualize my perfect work situation but I am going to make sure I feel the feelings, as well.

I'll keep you posted!

So nothing happened today and I will admit I am disappointed.

I spent the evening feeling extremely down and mostly just very confused by the conflict between the guidance I believe I am receiving and how stubbornly everything just remains the same.

I went to a tarot website (http://www.tarotgoddess.com/tarot) and basically asked for an explanation of why this is happening.

My mouth actually dropped open in surprise when I clicked on the back of the card to reveal it.

I use this site often and I've never gotten this card.

The tarot deck was a Goddess deck.  The card picked was the Night Goddess, Isamba.

The message?

You are where you are supposed to be. Cultivate acceptance.

Now, I have to tell you, I'd rather be anywhere but where I am.

I feel like I am in some state of limbo, being able to move neither forward nor backward.

I'll admit, I don't like it.  I feel like my engines are revving and no one will flash the green light.

However, I will attempt to do as the card asks.

If anyone needs me, I'll be sitting here cultivating patience.

(sigh)

Time for champagne?

From what I can see and understand from the past two days of readings, there are those who have been focused on desires for the past year or two, for those, results, the fruits of your garden are visible and creating the pathway to that outcome.  Action is knocking on your door in unmistakable ways, it’s your job to leave expectation in the background and open the door and dance.  Lisa Gawlas

 The above is a quote from Lisa Gawlas' most recent blog post (http://lisagawlas.wordpress.com/2014/08/23/it-is-time-to-harvest-the-fruits-of-your-labor/#comment-8605) and, wow, was it on the money for me.  Well worth reading!

This is exactly how I am feeling!  There is a building-up of the energies, a constant pressure, like champagne against a cork.

Over the summer I have felt periods of blankness, periods where there was no energy, and no feeling of pushing forward.

Those times gave way to times of intense internal activity.  I determinedly set my mind on one thing and carefully resisted both despair and the need to make things happen.

Now I believe that the internal is about to become external.

I need to go buy some champagne!

Oh, the Wells Fargo wagon is a'coming down the tracks, with something special just for me!

Still can't shake the idea that job recently mentioned should be mine.

Had a reading with a psychic medium on Wednesday who said he saw all good things for me.

I had a long involved dream yesterday that I though was rather interesting.

First I was at an office.  It seemed like it was my office but I hadn't been there for awhile.  People were coming up to me and asking me how I was and commenting that they hadn't seen me in a long time.

Now, as the job I want and the job I left are only a block away from each other, if I did get that job, I would probably be seeing old friends on the street and at lunch and that is probably what they would be saying to me.

Then I dreamed of a small straight path somewhat hidden in some trees.  I was intrigued by the path and walked down it.  I like the fact that it was straight, as in straight to my objective, and yet hidden, in that all is not out in the open yet.

In the next scene of the dream, I was wandering through people's houses.  It was like a city block of houses but each house had a door that led to the next house and I just wandered through.

The dream dictionary says that finding new rooms in your own house can mean learning new skills.  As this job would have me work with books instead of periodicals it would be a different set of skills, one I am anxious to learn, however, I'm not sure that wandering through other people's houses means the same thing!

Emotionally I feel absolutely convinced that this job will be mine.  So much so that I am already thinking about what to wear and putting my closet in order.

I feel I should hear by Monday afternoon.

Again, either I am tuned in or just crazy!

Name it and Claim it!

So...........long time no see.

Weird things are happening.

Didn't get the last job, that's okay.

So, first job was to be part-time and it was on hold. 

When I first went to the small office to interview for the part-time job, there were three editors' offices.

The middle one was empty because the editor, a woman I know casually, was at a dental appointment.

I immediately thought, "That's my office."

A week goes by, part-time job on hold, same free-lance office calls about another job, they don't tell me about the job but somehow I know that there is now a full-time opening in that office.  They tell me they'll arrange a phone interview on Monday.  They don't.

I call.  "Oh, you already interviewed for that position apparently, no need to interview again.  I believe, however, that they have settled on another candidate."

Okay, so I was right.  Part-time on hold to fill full-time.  So was it actually the woman in the middle office? I look her up on Linkedin, yes, she has a new position, dated as of July, in another company.

Now, I know they told me they picked someone else but I swear this job is for me.  The boss is right, the job is right, the location is right, the money is right! It's right in every possible way! I refuse to believe the Universe pulled the perfect job for me from up its capacious sleeve and then gave it to someone else!

I see myself in it as though I am seated in the office, gazing at the outer office.  I imagine myself typing at the computer.  I imagine seeing my boss at the door.  I imagine sliding the card in the card reader and letting myself in.

I know that job is just somehow going to be mine!

Keep you posted!

Poem

I came across a poem I wrote while cleaning out an old box of tax returns.

All the spring trees are covered with snow and I no longer love you.

Does this qualify as a haiku?

The funny part about finding this poem is that it is undated and I actually have no idea who it was that I no longer love.

No, really.

Which brings me to the point of this post, one of my favorite quotes, "This, too, shall pass."

No matter how difficult life seems or how much heart break you are suffering, sooner or later things will change and you won't remember any of it, just like I don't remember who I was writing that poem about.

Things change, life moves on.

Relax about life and just decide for you, things are always getting better.

Relax!

I am keeping up (mostly!) with my decluttering.

Today I tackled a big box of ancient and moldering tax returns.

Just in case you didn't know, you generally only have to keep tax returns for 3 years.

In the process, I dug up one poem, a large envelope of family pictures (my mother was an inveterate photo taker, I find them everywhere!), and an inspirational quotation.

I share the quotation with you here:

Keep your desire turning back within and be patient.

Allow the fulfillment to come to you. 

Gently resist the temptation to chase your dreams into the world. Pursue them in your heart until they disappear into the Self, then leave them there.

It may take a little self-discipline–be simple, be kind, stay rested. Attend to your own inner health and happiness.

Happiness radiates like a fragrance from a flower and draws all good things towards you. Allow your love to nourish yourself as well as others.

Do not strain after your needs of life–it is sufficient to be quietly alert and aware of them. In this way life proceeds more naturally, effortlessly. 

Life is here to enjoy.

- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

This was really helpful to find.  I have lately been straining after the needs of life, mentally.  My frustration at not attracting the perfect job pops up with regularity on my mental screen, the way your tongue seems to find its way to a sore tooth.

I admit I am somewhat frustrated.  Life seems to be at a standstill.

But I am determined to believe that good things are coming.

_____________________________________________________________

Okay, I literally I had to stop typing to answer the phone.  The temp agency called about a job.

Temp to permanent and more money than I was making at my last job.

Phone interview tomorrow.

I am off to think happy thoughts that radiate through the Universe!

Gratitude

Let's talk about gratitude.

To my mind, there is nothing so powerful to shift your mood than gratitude.

When I find myself slipping into a less than stellar emotional state, I usually fall back on gratitude to change my perception.

I am a big believer in gratitude for all occasions.

Often, when I am driving, I just start thanking the Universe for everything I see, the road, the sky, the traffic signals, other people.  I send out an endless stream of gratitude for all the things that God or other people created that I enjoy and didn't have to lift a finger to receive.

Have you ever thought what traveling would be like without sleek automobiles, paved roads, working traffic signals, and other people agreeing to follow the rules? Yea, exactly! Lots to be thankful for!

When you find yourself in a less than good mood, count your blessings! You'll be glad you did!

St. Anthony?

Have you ever heard the rhyme, "St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come round. Something is lost and can't be found?"

When I was a child, this rhyme was a staple in my Italian-Catholic home.  Lose your keys, misplace your wedding ring, can't find that important paper? Invoke St. Anthony!

So prevalent is the use of this rhyme in my family, that once my sister, when her eldest daughter was about 4, was complaining about not being able to find something in her kitchen, was amused to hear her daughter exclaim, "Quick, Mom, call St. Anthony!"

Ah, but is it really St. Anthony?  Not to disparage the dear old Saint, but could it be something else?

I think the real key to invoking St. Anthony is that you are turning the problem over to the Universe to solve.  Kind of what I am trying to do this year and chronicling the effort here.

We are told that Jesus said, "Unless you be like little children, you cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven."

It is the child-like faith, so faithfully demonstrated by my dear niece, that allows the miracle to occur.

But how?

Well, I don't know, but I believe is that having faith that something will occur is a form of creation and manifestation.

For example, you invoke St. Anthony, and by doing so you are actually saying to yourself, I do not have to solve this problem, I believe that the Universe will now solve the problem.  When you do that, you, by your belief, have manifested a future in which the object is found, by doing so, you have shifted into a Universe in which the object is found.

Now how is that possible?

Here is what I think is occurring:  God created the Universe. The Universe contains all things. All things, without possibility of omission.

Your firm belief, then, causes that particular Universe, the Universe with the found object, to manifest.

Why? Because parallel universes, with both minor and major differences, already exist.  Indeed, if God created the Universe, and the Universe contains all things, then they must exist.

If the premises of my argument are true (and you must decide for yourself if they are), then child-like faith causes the wanted Universe to click into place, like tuning a radio dial.

Does it work?  You must try it for yourself, remembering what Christ said to the centurion, "Go, as you have believed, so it has been done to you."

Sorry

Sorry, I haven't had much to say.

Good things are happening though.

My sister and her husband are back home for an extended visit, which makes me very happy.

I've wanted a pair of lace shorts for about a year and I finally found a pair online today.

I've been dragging out the crock pot and experimenting with new dishes.

So, no great big things, but still, happy things are happening!

Blankness

I am experiencing something a bit strange.

I really wanted to post every day.

Yet, right now, I feel I have nothing to say, nothing to contribute.

In fact, I feel a sense of blankness.

It's not bad, though, I am not suffering.  In fact, I feel fine, but neither very good or very bad.

There is a certain blankness to giving up striving to make things happen.

It's like I really don't know what to do if I am not busy hating my body or why I don't eat better or wondering why I don't have a partner or why I can't attract more abundance into my life.

I have given all that up in favor of just accepting what the Universe has to offer me, and trusting that the Universe will just bring me what I need every day.

I am neither high nor low and I must tell it feels quite strange.

I haven't figured out if this is a bad thing or a good thing.

So there you are, that's where I am at.....

What me worry?

If you are going to trust the Universe implicitly, it stands to reason that you must give up worry entirely.

But worry is a very difficult thing to give up.

You don't even know you're worrying until you catch yourself doing it!

Worry is an incredibly ingrained habit that we were all taught as children as we watched our parents do it.

For me, now, it's like a little game.

I catch myself worrying, I remind myself that the Universe can bring me anything I want so there is no need to worry, I stop worrying, and then I find myself doing it again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Even though it is a difficult battle, I do think it's worth it to wage.

Remember that you are attempting to stop a life-long habit.

Recently I keep seeing an image in my head.

It's a battleship, seen from above, executing a left-hand turn.

As you can probably imagine, it takes some time to turn a battleship.

Trusting the Universe, ceasing to worry, these things are like turning a battleship.

It's a long slow process so be patient with yourself!

Short Update

A short update to a recent post, Dropping Expectations.

Dropping Expectatons.

You can click on the link to read that post.

So my e-mail on Monday checking on the job mentioned bounced back to me.

Apparently the girl who interviewed me is no longer there.  There was a new contact number.

I decided to call.  I was advised by the receptionist to e-mail the new contact and remind her that I had interviewed before and I was still available and still interested, which I did.

Stacey, the new contact, advised me that the interview had gone very well and that the job was, for the moment, on hold. She advised me that she would keep me in the loop.

So bad news, good news, job not gone, but on hold.

Dropping Expectations

The best possible version your physical mind is capable of imagining is the least possible version your higher mind can imagine. 

                                                                             Bashar

Recently, I told the Universe that I wanted a job. Not just any job, a really easy job that paid well, one that let me go in to work or stay home, one that was near my old job so that I can have lunch with my friends, and one that didn't have any irksome bosses.

Within a half-hour, an email with a list of current positions popped up on my screen.   There was a listing for a part-time medical editor near my old job through a temp agency. I applied for the job and was called the next day.  The woman that interviewed me expressed interest in me because the employer specifically asked for someone who had been trained as an editor at a place that I indeed had been trained. She asked me to come in and interview the next day, which I did.

There are two medical publishers near there so I assumed that it was either one of them.  They were a few blocks from my old office so I was thinking I would have a hike making it to lunch.

To my surprise, it was neither.  It was instead a small satellite office of a larger company, the office was just one block from my old office.

The cherry on top?  I had worked with the man that was hiring for the position. Did I also mention that he is one of the nicest men in the world?

Seems like a shoe-in, huh?

We had lunch, he explained the position was book editing, not journal editing, which was even more what I wanted because book editors' schedules are so much longer and looser than journal editors' schedules. I thought it went well, and then I waited.

So far I have waited two weeks and no reply.  I e-mailed the agency for an update. No answer.

Hmmm...I'm confused.  I asked the Universe for what I wanted. Almost immediately, the perfect position open up, everything seems perfect, and then...nothing.

So what do I do now?  Well, I am taking consolation from Bashar's quote above from the following video.  Although this seemed perfect to me, according to Bashar, it is the least the Universe wants to bring me.  I am taking my hands off this entirely, dropping any expectations, and I am flinging all this into the lap of the Universe.

I'll keep you posted!

Unloading

Right now I am obsessed with getting rid of things.

My house has been in my family since 1930. 

Both my grandmother and my mother had a tendency to collect things.

All kinds of things.

When I first moved into this house after my mother had a stroke and I had to take care of her, there was a small path from the basement stairs to the washer and dryer.

The cellar was literally packed with extraneous things.

I had a clear out then but I never really got to the bottom of things.

So now I am.

I've started with the garage.

In my unearthing I have found, among other things, a dried up bottle of green fountain pen ink and a set of taillights for a Honda civic.

I've already loaded up my car trunk with one load and dropped at the Salvation Army and I am well on my way to another trunk.

It's almost impossible to say how imperative I feel this.

I simply feel suffocated with stuff!

I have tried to do this in fits and starts over the years, but I am determined this time to only have things in my life that I use and love.

Everything else must go!

Just eat the damn cookie!

One of the things I am handing over to the Universe is my body.

Yep, my body.

I am officially done with dieting, with denying myself something I like to eat because it's "fattening", of eating something delicious and then feeling bad all day because I did, oh, the list just goes on and on.

Yep, my body, here you are Universe, if you can do this, you can do anything, and, conversely, if you can do anything, then you can surely do this.

Abraham says not to worry, to laugh more, to play more, to enjoy yourself more.

Well, beating myself up about what I ate or what I look like is not fun, no, not fun at all.

So in the interest of the experiment, I must, therefore, give it up.

So that's it, no more moaning about all the calories and sugar in the cookie, I'm just going to eat the cookie and I am damn well going to enjoy the cookie.

I'm a size 14/16, I wonder what I'll be in a year, when the experiment is over?

Finding a needle in a haystack

So I bought this pantsuit through a catalog last year and hated it.

I meant to send it back but just kept forgetting.

I couldn't find the plastic mailing bag, the invoice, or the return label.

Finally, I gave up and began to plan how to send it back.

I printed out the order from the website.

That floated around my bedroom for a few months until I lost it. (Yes, I lose things, sue me.)

I went to the website to find the order again and, for some reason, probably because the order was so old, it's no longer there.

Stumped, I decided today to write a letter to enclose with the package, find any plastic mailing bag hanging around, and create a label and take it to the post office and mail it back.

While I was talking on the phone to a friend, I pulled on a mailing bag that was stuck in a box.

To my surprise, I discovered the original mailing bag for the suit, the invoice, and, the cherry on top, a FREE label to return it.

Swear to God!

I'm going to upload pictures so you can see.

The first picture is the invoice for the pantsuit, the second is the free return label. (Please pardon my little finger blocking out my address.)

I know it's a little thing but what is life but a never ending stream of little things?

Regardless, I'm happy and now I'm off to wrap my package and return it free!

My life right now

In many ways, I really started this process two years ago.

I had a job I loved for years and I really intended to retire from there.

Then, life intervened.

My boss wanted to retire and after 3 years of looking settled on a replacement that was, shall we say, lacking in fundamentals?

After about 4 years of increasing unhappiness, I bit the bullet and asked to be laid off.

Now it's two years later and I am still unemployed. 

Life is not bad though. I am in a fairly good situation, I own my home, and I have some money saved.  Not enough to retire, though!  At some point, I need to go back to work.

Every step along the way, though, in the last two years, the Universe had really provided for me.

First, I had unemployment for more than a year, than I relied on savings, along the way, I had a plumbing problem and the insurance money provided was actually more than it took to fix the leak. 

I had a small, but significant, amount of retirement money left at a previous job and the company asked me, out of the blue, if I wanted to take it as a lump sum.  I put it into a retirement account, of course, but it is there if I need it.

When things were getting tight last winter, two friends of mine lost their jobs and their house and ended up here with me.  Now they are footing two-thirds of the bills and, thankfully, one of them loves to clean.

While I had to take money out of my retirement accounts to live, most of it went to my medical insurance, which is deductible from my taxes.

Now, this year, since Obamacare, I am eligible for a tax break that will pay most of my medical and dental.

So, yeah, the Universe has been good to me.

But, like everybody, there is so much more that I want!

Let's talk about that tomorrow!

Here we go!

The Universe is saying: Allow me to flow through you unrestricted, and you will see the greatest magic you have ever seen. —Klaus Joehle ‪

In an incredible feat of synchronicity, I was searching for a way to begin this post (this blog, really), and, at a loss, I opened Facebook to find that someone had posted this wonderful quote.

This, then, is exactly what this blog and this experiment is all about.

I hope to answer the question, "Can the Universe provide abundantly for me?"

It seems I have spent years and years reading about the Law of Attraction, listening to Abraham, and Bashar, and others, all seemingly telling me the same message.

That message?  Let go, let God, be happy, don't worry, don't try, go with the flow, attract what you want, believe it and you'll see it.

Have I covered them all?

I have to admit I have had some success with all of these concepts. Like many people, I routinely look up when the clock is at 11:11.  I admit that always makes me smile but now I want more.

If the Universe can make me look at a clock, then surely the Universe can do more?  After all, Abraham says that it is as easy to manifest a castle as a button.

Surely not, my logic mind says.  Castle are big and rare, buttons are small and multitudinous. Logic says this cannot be.

Or can it?

I propose to test this theory this year.  Not a year of living dangerously but rather a year of living safely, safe in the arms of the Universe.

I want to turn my life over in complete trust to the Universe and just see what occurs.  Along the way, I will be looking at people, book, blogs, and ideas about manifestation.

So, I hope someone out there joins me on my journey!

Oh, wait, no hoping, just trust, so let me hand that job over to the Universe now!

Take it away, Universe!