North vs South

So, this is this is interesting. My north node is in Scorpio, my south node is in Taurus.

The rules below are my particular astrology.


Release (Taurus south node): Attachment to luxury, earthly appetites and overindulgence, being too practical, sticking with what you know, hiding in a comfort zone, working harder not smarter, loyalty at your own expense, always being the provider, holding energy in your throat chakra.

Embrace (Scorpio north node): Spirituality, connection to the universe/divine, spiritual fulfillment, unspoken connections, mystery, allowing others to help you financially, passive income, joint financial ventures, releasing energy through your sacral chakra.

Hmm, apparently, I need to be less practical, stop sticking to the familiar, and embrace my connection to the divine.

Yeah, I can do that.

The Great American Eclipse

So, there's a major eclipse occurring in August.

I've been listening to LOTS of astrology videos to get a handle on this.

Apparently, this is a series of eclipses, the last of which occurred in 1998.

The astrologers all mentioned to check what occurred in your life in 1998 to get an idea of what will happen now.

I decided to check my resume and I was rather astonished to notice that I changed jobs and careers in 1998.

Now, due to my boss refusing to let me go, I did not actually start the new job and career until January, but I was actually hired in August of 1998.

This was a huge change for me. Up until this point, I was basically an administrative assistant.

Becoming an editor was a taking up a completely different path through life.

My life changed, I made more money, I took different jobs in different companies.

More importantly, I also saw myself differently. I saw myself as someone with a career, not just a job. I saw myself as a professional.

So, big change!

I think I am being called to a new career, a new life, in the same way I was called to a new life and a new career then.

Still a little astonished by this.

Time for change....okay!

Sadness

I wake up feeling sad.

I'm not sure why.

I guess I'm sad that I lost my job.

I'm more sad that I've decided to sell my house.

It's a family house. My grandparents bought in the 30's.

It's a huge decision but one that has to be made.

I'm not really sad about the decision. It's the right decision.

I'll be 60 in a few weeks and I'm planning on retiring to South Carolina.

The house will have to be sold no matter what.

It's just a matter of when.

I probably have 20 years left.

I don't want to be looking at the clock in some office cubicle for the next 10 years.

Not even the next 5 years.

Cubicle. That's an ugly word.

Here's some information on the dreaded "cubicle."

The cubicle system evolved from Herman Miller’s Action Office, a system for open-plan offices designed by Robert Propst. Propst wanted to design a system that boosted productivity; it was never his intention to build something whose primary purpose was to pack as many workers as possible into as little space as possible. He is said to have denounced the cubicle systems inspired by Action Office as “monolithic insanity”.

Yeah, that I can believe.

So, not sad about that.

Just sad that this part of my life is over. 

I'm not good at goodbyes.

Even "good" goodbyes.

There are so many memories in this house. So many pictures of so many family members. It's hard to hand that to someone else. 

But, it's a nice house, it deserves to have another family love it.  Take pictures in it. Make memories in in it. And, then, someday, feel sad when they hand it to someone else to love.

Happier Days

I probably shouldn't be happy that I lost my job, but I am.

So far, I've slept alot, had two medical appointments, got a mani/pedi.

Signed up for unemployment. Made sure I had health care as of August 1 (Thanks,  President Obama).

Maybe a cut and color next.

Other than that, just hanging out enjoying myself.

Got a new book, Hillbilly Elegy.

Don't intend to move a muscle or think about work until September.

Everything is on hold as far as I'm concerned.

Just Managing...

So now I don't wake up distraught and miserable.

Thank God.

But I am waking up sad.

I just don't understand why the Universe is SO harsh with me.

Although I suppose some people would consider losing a job almost nothing compared to what they have suffered.

Fair enough.

But it still hurts.

I selected a cared from Point of Power again and here is what I got:

Don't hang on - to anything.
Absolutely everything that is out of alignment with who you are becoming is disentangling itself from your life.
Let everything go that wants to go - people, places, jobs...everything.
Your God has new and grander things in store.

Well, okay, then.

No real point in being sad. Something that just didn't fit got swept out of my life. Better to look forward than to look back.

I'm working on it...

Fired

Okay, so I got fired yesterday. I was SO relieved. I absolutely hated that job. I hated the commute. I hated the people. (Okay, I didn't HATE them, but I just didn't laugh every day with them as I did on nearly every job I ever had.) I hated the work. Oh, dear God, if I never see another dental manuscript again, I will jump for joy!

Honestly, I think I know what my version of purgatory is! Driving on I95, working on dental manuscripts, getting negative feedback, in a little cubicle, where no one talks to me. Yep, that's it.

This is SO bizarre. I usually have great bosses, great jobs, great coworkers, great friends. I can't stress how much this was an anomaly for me.

When I got laid off at my last job, because there were no contracts being signed, they emphasized how much they LOVED me. In all caps and bold font. Really!

However, I think I know what the Universe is trying to tell me. I get really set in my ways and the Universe has a way of throwing me through a windshield to get my attention.

First of all, it's past time to sell the house and retire. I need to be free and unencumbered by the detritus of the past. My past and the family's past. My work is completely in the future.

I checked my horoscope for yesterday and the affirmation for the day was this:

I face my need for change, and release familiar ties and circumstances to the Universe now.

Well, for goodness sake, could that be any clearer?

It also said:

If you’re absolutely decided on eliminating an alliance, this could be the time.

Well, okay then!


Second, I don't mind working but I need to enjoy and I need to be free. I can't be cooped up in a cubicle. That part of my life is really over.

Third, I need to interact with people. I really really do. The inward introspective part of my life is over. I need to do work that interacts with people.

Fourth, astrologically, this is a very potent time for the earth. I feel that I need to be free so that the Universe can use me some how. I know I need to be free in August especially. I used this app today called Points of Power (pointsofpower.com.au) and here is what it said today, when I asked the question, "What do I need to know today?"

Ultimately, it's not about your job, your bank account, or your life life.
You are here to raise the vibration of the whole.

Well, that's pretty clear, huh?

Also, there is a Mercury retrograde in August. I took this awful job during a Mercury Retrograde. I will never ever ever take a job during a Mercury retrograde again! So I'm waiting until September, until all danger from the retrograde is past to even try to look for a job.

I think I'm going to try to get my foot in the door at the University through their temp system. I have had this feeling all my life that I'm going to end up at the University doing something.

After that, I'm going to move forward on selling this house and moving to a small little rented rancher.

I'm going to spend August getting rid of things. Right now, I'm going to take a shower and rearrange some appointments.

Life is good.  Always.

Wow!

Wow! Such a long time that I haven't been here.

Don't know why I don't post more often.

I manifested a job that I hate. Really really hate. It has everything I don't like.

Long commute on 95, utterly dull coworkers, boring boring work, difficult boss, unattractive surroundings.

I sit at a little cubicle, in a windowless space, surrounded by people who rarely come out of their offices.

Little conversation, utterly dull, badly written manuscripts, every day I'm expected to turn a silk purse into a sow's ear.

More importantly, they hate my work. I have never in my life been in a position where someone hated my work. It's truly bizarre.

But I know what is happening. This is the end of the cubicles for me.

The Universe wants me to be free. I'm absolutely sure of it.

No more measuring my life out in coffee spoons, hours of vacation time left, minutes left before I'm expected back at my desk. Wage slave, no more. Wage slave, but still a slave.

I'm getting out. I'm breaking free. I'm going rogue.

I'm selling my house. Selling it at the top of the market when everyone wants to buy a house in my neighborhood. I'm taking my mother's gift and I'm going to chill out for the rest of my life.

I've got to go. I've got to be free.

Free as a bird.

Free as the wind.

Free.