Blankness

I am experiencing something a bit strange.

I really wanted to post every day.

Yet, right now, I feel I have nothing to say, nothing to contribute.

In fact, I feel a sense of blankness.

It's not bad, though, I am not suffering.  In fact, I feel fine, but neither very good or very bad.

There is a certain blankness to giving up striving to make things happen.

It's like I really don't know what to do if I am not busy hating my body or why I don't eat better or wondering why I don't have a partner or why I can't attract more abundance into my life.

I have given all that up in favor of just accepting what the Universe has to offer me, and trusting that the Universe will just bring me what I need every day.

I am neither high nor low and I must tell it feels quite strange.

I haven't figured out if this is a bad thing or a good thing.

So there you are, that's where I am at.....

What me worry?

If you are going to trust the Universe implicitly, it stands to reason that you must give up worry entirely.

But worry is a very difficult thing to give up.

You don't even know you're worrying until you catch yourself doing it!

Worry is an incredibly ingrained habit that we were all taught as children as we watched our parents do it.

For me, now, it's like a little game.

I catch myself worrying, I remind myself that the Universe can bring me anything I want so there is no need to worry, I stop worrying, and then I find myself doing it again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Even though it is a difficult battle, I do think it's worth it to wage.

Remember that you are attempting to stop a life-long habit.

Recently I keep seeing an image in my head.

It's a battleship, seen from above, executing a left-hand turn.

As you can probably imagine, it takes some time to turn a battleship.

Trusting the Universe, ceasing to worry, these things are like turning a battleship.

It's a long slow process so be patient with yourself!

Short Update

A short update to a recent post, Dropping Expectations.

Dropping Expectatons.

You can click on the link to read that post.

So my e-mail on Monday checking on the job mentioned bounced back to me.

Apparently the girl who interviewed me is no longer there.  There was a new contact number.

I decided to call.  I was advised by the receptionist to e-mail the new contact and remind her that I had interviewed before and I was still available and still interested, which I did.

Stacey, the new contact, advised me that the interview had gone very well and that the job was, for the moment, on hold. She advised me that she would keep me in the loop.

So bad news, good news, job not gone, but on hold.

Dropping Expectations

The best possible version your physical mind is capable of imagining is the least possible version your higher mind can imagine. 

                                                                             Bashar

Recently, I told the Universe that I wanted a job. Not just any job, a really easy job that paid well, one that let me go in to work or stay home, one that was near my old job so that I can have lunch with my friends, and one that didn't have any irksome bosses.

Within a half-hour, an email with a list of current positions popped up on my screen.   There was a listing for a part-time medical editor near my old job through a temp agency. I applied for the job and was called the next day.  The woman that interviewed me expressed interest in me because the employer specifically asked for someone who had been trained as an editor at a place that I indeed had been trained. She asked me to come in and interview the next day, which I did.

There are two medical publishers near there so I assumed that it was either one of them.  They were a few blocks from my old office so I was thinking I would have a hike making it to lunch.

To my surprise, it was neither.  It was instead a small satellite office of a larger company, the office was just one block from my old office.

The cherry on top?  I had worked with the man that was hiring for the position. Did I also mention that he is one of the nicest men in the world?

Seems like a shoe-in, huh?

We had lunch, he explained the position was book editing, not journal editing, which was even more what I wanted because book editors' schedules are so much longer and looser than journal editors' schedules. I thought it went well, and then I waited.

So far I have waited two weeks and no reply.  I e-mailed the agency for an update. No answer.

Hmmm...I'm confused.  I asked the Universe for what I wanted. Almost immediately, the perfect position open up, everything seems perfect, and then...nothing.

So what do I do now?  Well, I am taking consolation from Bashar's quote above from the following video.  Although this seemed perfect to me, according to Bashar, it is the least the Universe wants to bring me.  I am taking my hands off this entirely, dropping any expectations, and I am flinging all this into the lap of the Universe.

I'll keep you posted!

Unloading

Right now I am obsessed with getting rid of things.

My house has been in my family since 1930. 

Both my grandmother and my mother had a tendency to collect things.

All kinds of things.

When I first moved into this house after my mother had a stroke and I had to take care of her, there was a small path from the basement stairs to the washer and dryer.

The cellar was literally packed with extraneous things.

I had a clear out then but I never really got to the bottom of things.

So now I am.

I've started with the garage.

In my unearthing I have found, among other things, a dried up bottle of green fountain pen ink and a set of taillights for a Honda civic.

I've already loaded up my car trunk with one load and dropped at the Salvation Army and I am well on my way to another trunk.

It's almost impossible to say how imperative I feel this.

I simply feel suffocated with stuff!

I have tried to do this in fits and starts over the years, but I am determined this time to only have things in my life that I use and love.

Everything else must go!

Just eat the damn cookie!

One of the things I am handing over to the Universe is my body.

Yep, my body.

I am officially done with dieting, with denying myself something I like to eat because it's "fattening", of eating something delicious and then feeling bad all day because I did, oh, the list just goes on and on.

Yep, my body, here you are Universe, if you can do this, you can do anything, and, conversely, if you can do anything, then you can surely do this.

Abraham says not to worry, to laugh more, to play more, to enjoy yourself more.

Well, beating myself up about what I ate or what I look like is not fun, no, not fun at all.

So in the interest of the experiment, I must, therefore, give it up.

So that's it, no more moaning about all the calories and sugar in the cookie, I'm just going to eat the cookie and I am damn well going to enjoy the cookie.

I'm a size 14/16, I wonder what I'll be in a year, when the experiment is over?

Finding a needle in a haystack

So I bought this pantsuit through a catalog last year and hated it.

I meant to send it back but just kept forgetting.

I couldn't find the plastic mailing bag, the invoice, or the return label.

Finally, I gave up and began to plan how to send it back.

I printed out the order from the website.

That floated around my bedroom for a few months until I lost it. (Yes, I lose things, sue me.)

I went to the website to find the order again and, for some reason, probably because the order was so old, it's no longer there.

Stumped, I decided today to write a letter to enclose with the package, find any plastic mailing bag hanging around, and create a label and take it to the post office and mail it back.

While I was talking on the phone to a friend, I pulled on a mailing bag that was stuck in a box.

To my surprise, I discovered the original mailing bag for the suit, the invoice, and, the cherry on top, a FREE label to return it.

Swear to God!

I'm going to upload pictures so you can see.

The first picture is the invoice for the pantsuit, the second is the free return label. (Please pardon my little finger blocking out my address.)

I know it's a little thing but what is life but a never ending stream of little things?

Regardless, I'm happy and now I'm off to wrap my package and return it free!

My life right now

In many ways, I really started this process two years ago.

I had a job I loved for years and I really intended to retire from there.

Then, life intervened.

My boss wanted to retire and after 3 years of looking settled on a replacement that was, shall we say, lacking in fundamentals?

After about 4 years of increasing unhappiness, I bit the bullet and asked to be laid off.

Now it's two years later and I am still unemployed. 

Life is not bad though. I am in a fairly good situation, I own my home, and I have some money saved.  Not enough to retire, though!  At some point, I need to go back to work.

Every step along the way, though, in the last two years, the Universe had really provided for me.

First, I had unemployment for more than a year, than I relied on savings, along the way, I had a plumbing problem and the insurance money provided was actually more than it took to fix the leak. 

I had a small, but significant, amount of retirement money left at a previous job and the company asked me, out of the blue, if I wanted to take it as a lump sum.  I put it into a retirement account, of course, but it is there if I need it.

When things were getting tight last winter, two friends of mine lost their jobs and their house and ended up here with me.  Now they are footing two-thirds of the bills and, thankfully, one of them loves to clean.

While I had to take money out of my retirement accounts to live, most of it went to my medical insurance, which is deductible from my taxes.

Now, this year, since Obamacare, I am eligible for a tax break that will pay most of my medical and dental.

So, yeah, the Universe has been good to me.

But, like everybody, there is so much more that I want!

Let's talk about that tomorrow!

Here we go!

The Universe is saying: Allow me to flow through you unrestricted, and you will see the greatest magic you have ever seen. —Klaus Joehle ‪

In an incredible feat of synchronicity, I was searching for a way to begin this post (this blog, really), and, at a loss, I opened Facebook to find that someone had posted this wonderful quote.

This, then, is exactly what this blog and this experiment is all about.

I hope to answer the question, "Can the Universe provide abundantly for me?"

It seems I have spent years and years reading about the Law of Attraction, listening to Abraham, and Bashar, and others, all seemingly telling me the same message.

That message?  Let go, let God, be happy, don't worry, don't try, go with the flow, attract what you want, believe it and you'll see it.

Have I covered them all?

I have to admit I have had some success with all of these concepts. Like many people, I routinely look up when the clock is at 11:11.  I admit that always makes me smile but now I want more.

If the Universe can make me look at a clock, then surely the Universe can do more?  After all, Abraham says that it is as easy to manifest a castle as a button.

Surely not, my logic mind says.  Castle are big and rare, buttons are small and multitudinous. Logic says this cannot be.

Or can it?

I propose to test this theory this year.  Not a year of living dangerously but rather a year of living safely, safe in the arms of the Universe.

I want to turn my life over in complete trust to the Universe and just see what occurs.  Along the way, I will be looking at people, book, blogs, and ideas about manifestation.

So, I hope someone out there joins me on my journey!

Oh, wait, no hoping, just trust, so let me hand that job over to the Universe now!

Take it away, Universe!