Faith...

Isa 43:16 Thus says the LORD, Who makes a way through the sea And a path through the mighty waters... 

In my meditation today, I was thinking about how do you completely trust the Universe for everything.

This is what popped into my mind:

"Do you doubt the sun?"

I thought about this for some time. 

Well, no, I have never doubted that the sun will come up. 

Nope, not once, not ever, never.

Well, that's the kind of faith you need to be absolutely sure something will manifest.

Now, I know, that's a formidable amount of belief.

But, just imagine for a minute, what you could create if you believed the Universe could manifest your creation the way you believed the sun would come up tomorrow.

Because the Universe can make a way that, I assure you, you would have NEVER thought of.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18-19)

So, why am I here exactly?

I've been thinking of this a lot.

Why exactly am I on this planet?

Here, now?

I've thought this place was bizarre ever since I could think.

There are some really really strange people on this planet.

I often think I don't know why I'm here.

Maybe I'm here for the apocalypse.

Apocalypse means unveiling, not the end of the world.

Certainly seems like there is a lot of unveiling going on lately. (See Weinstein scandal).

Tooling around the internet (as I am wont to do...LOL), I saw this today on Rob Brezsny's site, Free Will Astrology:

"What's the Most Important Question for You to Ask Today?

You possess exceptional capacities that are absolutely unique. You're a masterpiece unlike any other that has ever lived in the history of the world.

Furthermore, the precise instructions you need to ripen into your special talents have always been with you, even from the time before you were born. In the words of psychologist James Hillman, you have a soul's code.

You might also call it the mission you came to Earth to carry out; the divine blueprint that contains the open secret of how to be perfectly, unpredictably yourself; the master plan that is your heart's deepest desire.

Would you like help in deciphering it? The Divine Intelligence Formerly Known as God is always on call, ready to help. It's your birthright to ask Her a specific question every day about what you need to do next to express your soul's code; it's also your birthright to receive a response. 

The divine revelation may not be as unambiguous as a little voice in your head. It might appear in the form of a TV commercial, an odd dream, or an encounter with a stranger. It could be demanding and difficult, delivering information you'd rather not have to deal with. Or it might show up as a clear and simple feeling of knowing exactly what to do, and it could be easy and fun.

What question will you ask the Divine Wow today?"

Well, okay, then. I've decided to ask everyday for a sign. Why the heck am I here and what exactly am I supposed to do next.

I'll let you know if I hear anything...

                                  I am safe in the arms of the Universe.

When I woke up, the feelings tried to return, but I successfully fought them off.

I just kept repeating "I am safe in the arms of the Universe."

This is a hard truth to believe.

We are taught over and over again to be careful, to watch out, to expect calamity.

It's a sensible thing to teach a child, I suppose, but is it true?

I noticed something interesting when I was repeating it to myself.

As I repeated it, my muscles began to relax.

It is interesting that I am subconsciously "girding my loins" for battle, even when there is no danger.

I am going to meditate on this later today. I want to inculcate that feeling until it's automatic.


                                I am safe in the arms of the Universe.

So.....

So, lately, life is not so easy.

I wake up depressed.

I am really not used to this.

I'm not really sure what is causing it.

There is no real reason for it.

A few irritating people around me but no reason to be that upset.

Gradually, as the day passes, I work my way out of it.

Usually by listening to Abraham.

My temp agency emails me job postings.

There was one in Horsham.

Now, there really is no easy way to get from Philly to Horsham. It's pretty much just a straight run up Broad Street, in city traffic, with lots and lots of traffic lights.

In short, it sucks.

I though about applying but decided not to.

Later in the day, though, a thought crossed my mind.

A thought that really changed everything.

"That job is just not good enough for me."

That's what I thought.

I was actually surprised by my own thought.

(Is that possible? Apparently, it is.)

The more I thought about it, the more I it felt totally right.

Yes, that job is not good enough for me. Of course that job is not good enough for me.

Why?

Because I create my own reality.

Why would I create that crappy reality?

A job with a torturous commute?

Been there, done that.

The more I though about that, the more my mood lifted.

I've created many wonderful experiences, including great jobs.

I can continue to create many wonderful experiences.

I don't have to settle.

I wasn't created to settle.

I was created in the image of God herself to have anything I could conceive.

Message from the Universe received!

Turning Down a Job

So my temp agency emailed and offered me a chance to try a job in Yardley.

They wanted me to take a two-hour editing test.

Yeah, that sounds like fun...NOT.

My first though was "ugh." Yardley. Ugh, editing. Ugh, taking tests.

So I told them Yardley was too far. It's really close to my old job.

It sounded perfect for my a colleague who just got laid off so I put the recruiter and her in touch.

They came back and said I could work remotely, was I still interested?

I told them my colleague was a better fit.

Now, I haven't told anyone about this.

Everyone would think I was crazy.

"You're crazy! You're turning down work!"

Honestly, it felt like a test from the Universe.

Did I really mean what I say? I am determined not to take a job out of desperation or for any other reason but that I really really want to do it.

I'm going to tell the agency, talk to me after Labor Day!

I'm not working this month.

Also, I'm not working any job that makes me think "ugh."

I know the Universe can bring me a great job, a job I'll love, a job with people I'll love.

I'm good. I'll know what to do when it arrives.

I'm trusting the Universe and I'm happy.

North vs South

So, this is this is interesting. My north node is in Scorpio, my south node is in Taurus.

The rules below are my particular astrology.


Release (Taurus south node): Attachment to luxury, earthly appetites and overindulgence, being too practical, sticking with what you know, hiding in a comfort zone, working harder not smarter, loyalty at your own expense, always being the provider, holding energy in your throat chakra.

Embrace (Scorpio north node): Spirituality, connection to the universe/divine, spiritual fulfillment, unspoken connections, mystery, allowing others to help you financially, passive income, joint financial ventures, releasing energy through your sacral chakra.

Hmm, apparently, I need to be less practical, stop sticking to the familiar, and embrace my connection to the divine.

Yeah, I can do that.

The Great American Eclipse

So, there's a major eclipse occurring in August.

I've been listening to LOTS of astrology videos to get a handle on this.

Apparently, this is a series of eclipses, the last of which occurred in 1998.

The astrologers all mentioned to check what occurred in your life in 1998 to get an idea of what will happen now.

I decided to check my resume and I was rather astonished to notice that I changed jobs and careers in 1998.

Now, due to my boss refusing to let me go, I did not actually start the new job and career until January, but I was actually hired in August of 1998.

This was a huge change for me. Up until this point, I was basically an administrative assistant.

Becoming an editor was a taking up a completely different path through life.

My life changed, I made more money, I took different jobs in different companies.

More importantly, I also saw myself differently. I saw myself as someone with a career, not just a job. I saw myself as a professional.

So, big change!

I think I am being called to a new career, a new life, in the same way I was called to a new life and a new career then.

Still a little astonished by this.

Time for change....okay!

Sadness

I wake up feeling sad.

I'm not sure why.

I guess I'm sad that I lost my job.

I'm more sad that I've decided to sell my house.

It's a family house. My grandparents bought in the 30's.

It's a huge decision but one that has to be made.

I'm not really sad about the decision. It's the right decision.

I'll be 60 in a few weeks and I'm planning on retiring to South Carolina.

The house will have to be sold no matter what.

It's just a matter of when.

I probably have 20 years left.

I don't want to be looking at the clock in some office cubicle for the next 10 years.

Not even the next 5 years.

Cubicle. That's an ugly word.

Here's some information on the dreaded "cubicle."

The cubicle system evolved from Herman Miller’s Action Office, a system for open-plan offices designed by Robert Propst. Propst wanted to design a system that boosted productivity; it was never his intention to build something whose primary purpose was to pack as many workers as possible into as little space as possible. He is said to have denounced the cubicle systems inspired by Action Office as “monolithic insanity”.

Yeah, that I can believe.

So, not sad about that.

Just sad that this part of my life is over. 

I'm not good at goodbyes.

Even "good" goodbyes.

There are so many memories in this house. So many pictures of so many family members. It's hard to hand that to someone else. 

But, it's a nice house, it deserves to have another family love it.  Take pictures in it. Make memories in in it. And, then, someday, feel sad when they hand it to someone else to love.

Happier Days

I probably shouldn't be happy that I lost my job, but I am.

So far, I've slept alot, had two medical appointments, got a mani/pedi.

Signed up for unemployment. Made sure I had health care as of August 1 (Thanks,  President Obama).

Maybe a cut and color next.

Other than that, just hanging out enjoying myself.

Got a new book, Hillbilly Elegy.

Don't intend to move a muscle or think about work until September.

Everything is on hold as far as I'm concerned.

Just Managing...

So now I don't wake up distraught and miserable.

Thank God.

But I am waking up sad.

I just don't understand why the Universe is SO harsh with me.

Although I suppose some people would consider losing a job almost nothing compared to what they have suffered.

Fair enough.

But it still hurts.

I selected a cared from Point of Power again and here is what I got:

Don't hang on - to anything.
Absolutely everything that is out of alignment with who you are becoming is disentangling itself from your life.
Let everything go that wants to go - people, places, jobs...everything.
Your God has new and grander things in store.

Well, okay, then.

No real point in being sad. Something that just didn't fit got swept out of my life. Better to look forward than to look back.

I'm working on it...

Fired

Okay, so I got fired yesterday. I was SO relieved. I absolutely hated that job. I hated the commute. I hated the people. (Okay, I didn't HATE them, but I just didn't laugh every day with them as I did on nearly every job I ever had.) I hated the work. Oh, dear God, if I never see another dental manuscript again, I will jump for joy!

Honestly, I think I know what my version of purgatory is! Driving on I95, working on dental manuscripts, getting negative feedback, in a little cubicle, where no one talks to me. Yep, that's it.

This is SO bizarre. I usually have great bosses, great jobs, great coworkers, great friends. I can't stress how much this was an anomaly for me.

When I got laid off at my last job, because there were no contracts being signed, they emphasized how much they LOVED me. In all caps and bold font. Really!

However, I think I know what the Universe is trying to tell me. I get really set in my ways and the Universe has a way of throwing me through a windshield to get my attention.

First of all, it's past time to sell the house and retire. I need to be free and unencumbered by the detritus of the past. My past and the family's past. My work is completely in the future.

I checked my horoscope for yesterday and the affirmation for the day was this:

I face my need for change, and release familiar ties and circumstances to the Universe now.

Well, for goodness sake, could that be any clearer?

It also said:

If you’re absolutely decided on eliminating an alliance, this could be the time.

Well, okay then!


Second, I don't mind working but I need to enjoy and I need to be free. I can't be cooped up in a cubicle. That part of my life is really over.

Third, I need to interact with people. I really really do. The inward introspective part of my life is over. I need to do work that interacts with people.

Fourth, astrologically, this is a very potent time for the earth. I feel that I need to be free so that the Universe can use me some how. I know I need to be free in August especially. I used this app today called Points of Power (pointsofpower.com.au) and here is what it said today, when I asked the question, "What do I need to know today?"

Ultimately, it's not about your job, your bank account, or your life life.
You are here to raise the vibration of the whole.

Well, that's pretty clear, huh?

Also, there is a Mercury retrograde in August. I took this awful job during a Mercury Retrograde. I will never ever ever take a job during a Mercury retrograde again! So I'm waiting until September, until all danger from the retrograde is past to even try to look for a job.

I think I'm going to try to get my foot in the door at the University through their temp system. I have had this feeling all my life that I'm going to end up at the University doing something.

After that, I'm going to move forward on selling this house and moving to a small little rented rancher.

I'm going to spend August getting rid of things. Right now, I'm going to take a shower and rearrange some appointments.

Life is good.  Always.

Wow!

Wow! Such a long time that I haven't been here.

Don't know why I don't post more often.

I manifested a job that I hate. Really really hate. It has everything I don't like.

Long commute on 95, utterly dull coworkers, boring boring work, difficult boss, unattractive surroundings.

I sit at a little cubicle, in a windowless space, surrounded by people who rarely come out of their offices.

Little conversation, utterly dull, badly written manuscripts, every day I'm expected to turn a silk purse into a sow's ear.

More importantly, they hate my work. I have never in my life been in a position where someone hated my work. It's truly bizarre.

But I know what is happening. This is the end of the cubicles for me.

The Universe wants me to be free. I'm absolutely sure of it.

No more measuring my life out in coffee spoons, hours of vacation time left, minutes left before I'm expected back at my desk. Wage slave, no more. Wage slave, but still a slave.

I'm getting out. I'm breaking free. I'm going rogue.

I'm selling my house. Selling it at the top of the market when everyone wants to buy a house in my neighborhood. I'm taking my mother's gift and I'm going to chill out for the rest of my life.

I've got to go. I've got to be free.

Free as a bird.

Free as the wind.

Free.