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Realize that I haven't posted for a while.

I went through an odd period in September when I simply could not wake up.  I would sleep for 8 hours, be up for a few hours and then take a 5 hour nap!

It was extremely strange but seems to have passed.

Still have no idea why Universe presented me with perfect job and then didn't follow through.  Probably for my higher good though I don't know why yet.

Today I am beginning a 30-day experiment.

I am going to imagine my perfect work situation for 10 minutes every day.  I don't plan to do anything at all about finding work but that (unless expressly inspired by the Universe).

Visualization is the key to manifestation (or so I am told).  I am not only going to visualize my perfect work situation but I am going to make sure I feel the feelings, as well.

I'll keep you posted!

So nothing happened today and I will admit I am disappointed.

I spent the evening feeling extremely down and mostly just very confused by the conflict between the guidance I believe I am receiving and how stubbornly everything just remains the same.

I went to a tarot website (http://www.tarotgoddess.com/tarot) and basically asked for an explanation of why this is happening.

My mouth actually dropped open in surprise when I clicked on the back of the card to reveal it.

I use this site often and I've never gotten this card.

The tarot deck was a Goddess deck.  The card picked was the Night Goddess, Isamba.

The message?

You are where you are supposed to be. Cultivate acceptance.

Now, I have to tell you, I'd rather be anywhere but where I am.

I feel like I am in some state of limbo, being able to move neither forward nor backward.

I'll admit, I don't like it.  I feel like my engines are revving and no one will flash the green light.

However, I will attempt to do as the card asks.

If anyone needs me, I'll be sitting here cultivating patience.

(sigh)

Time for champagne?

From what I can see and understand from the past two days of readings, there are those who have been focused on desires for the past year or two, for those, results, the fruits of your garden are visible and creating the pathway to that outcome.  Action is knocking on your door in unmistakable ways, it’s your job to leave expectation in the background and open the door and dance.  Lisa Gawlas

 The above is a quote from Lisa Gawlas' most recent blog post (http://lisagawlas.wordpress.com/2014/08/23/it-is-time-to-harvest-the-fruits-of-your-labor/#comment-8605) and, wow, was it on the money for me.  Well worth reading!

This is exactly how I am feeling!  There is a building-up of the energies, a constant pressure, like champagne against a cork.

Over the summer I have felt periods of blankness, periods where there was no energy, and no feeling of pushing forward.

Those times gave way to times of intense internal activity.  I determinedly set my mind on one thing and carefully resisted both despair and the need to make things happen.

Now I believe that the internal is about to become external.

I need to go buy some champagne!

Oh, the Wells Fargo wagon is a'coming down the tracks, with something special just for me!

Still can't shake the idea that job recently mentioned should be mine.

Had a reading with a psychic medium on Wednesday who said he saw all good things for me.

I had a long involved dream yesterday that I though was rather interesting.

First I was at an office.  It seemed like it was my office but I hadn't been there for awhile.  People were coming up to me and asking me how I was and commenting that they hadn't seen me in a long time.

Now, as the job I want and the job I left are only a block away from each other, if I did get that job, I would probably be seeing old friends on the street and at lunch and that is probably what they would be saying to me.

Then I dreamed of a small straight path somewhat hidden in some trees.  I was intrigued by the path and walked down it.  I like the fact that it was straight, as in straight to my objective, and yet hidden, in that all is not out in the open yet.

In the next scene of the dream, I was wandering through people's houses.  It was like a city block of houses but each house had a door that led to the next house and I just wandered through.

The dream dictionary says that finding new rooms in your own house can mean learning new skills.  As this job would have me work with books instead of periodicals it would be a different set of skills, one I am anxious to learn, however, I'm not sure that wandering through other people's houses means the same thing!

Emotionally I feel absolutely convinced that this job will be mine.  So much so that I am already thinking about what to wear and putting my closet in order.

I feel I should hear by Monday afternoon.

Again, either I am tuned in or just crazy!

Name it and Claim it!

So...........long time no see.

Weird things are happening.

Didn't get the last job, that's okay.

So, first job was to be part-time and it was on hold. 

When I first went to the small office to interview for the part-time job, there were three editors' offices.

The middle one was empty because the editor, a woman I know casually, was at a dental appointment.

I immediately thought, "That's my office."

A week goes by, part-time job on hold, same free-lance office calls about another job, they don't tell me about the job but somehow I know that there is now a full-time opening in that office.  They tell me they'll arrange a phone interview on Monday.  They don't.

I call.  "Oh, you already interviewed for that position apparently, no need to interview again.  I believe, however, that they have settled on another candidate."

Okay, so I was right.  Part-time on hold to fill full-time.  So was it actually the woman in the middle office? I look her up on Linkedin, yes, she has a new position, dated as of July, in another company.

Now, I know they told me they picked someone else but I swear this job is for me.  The boss is right, the job is right, the location is right, the money is right! It's right in every possible way! I refuse to believe the Universe pulled the perfect job for me from up its capacious sleeve and then gave it to someone else!

I see myself in it as though I am seated in the office, gazing at the outer office.  I imagine myself typing at the computer.  I imagine seeing my boss at the door.  I imagine sliding the card in the card reader and letting myself in.

I know that job is just somehow going to be mine!

Keep you posted!

Poem

I came across a poem I wrote while cleaning out an old box of tax returns.

All the spring trees are covered with snow and I no longer love you.

Does this qualify as a haiku?

The funny part about finding this poem is that it is undated and I actually have no idea who it was that I no longer love.

No, really.

Which brings me to the point of this post, one of my favorite quotes, "This, too, shall pass."

No matter how difficult life seems or how much heart break you are suffering, sooner or later things will change and you won't remember any of it, just like I don't remember who I was writing that poem about.

Things change, life moves on.

Relax about life and just decide for you, things are always getting better.

Relax!

I am keeping up (mostly!) with my decluttering.

Today I tackled a big box of ancient and moldering tax returns.

Just in case you didn't know, you generally only have to keep tax returns for 3 years.

In the process, I dug up one poem, a large envelope of family pictures (my mother was an inveterate photo taker, I find them everywhere!), and an inspirational quotation.

I share the quotation with you here:

Keep your desire turning back within and be patient.

Allow the fulfillment to come to you. 

Gently resist the temptation to chase your dreams into the world. Pursue them in your heart until they disappear into the Self, then leave them there.

It may take a little self-discipline–be simple, be kind, stay rested. Attend to your own inner health and happiness.

Happiness radiates like a fragrance from a flower and draws all good things towards you. Allow your love to nourish yourself as well as others.

Do not strain after your needs of life–it is sufficient to be quietly alert and aware of them. In this way life proceeds more naturally, effortlessly. 

Life is here to enjoy.

- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

This was really helpful to find.  I have lately been straining after the needs of life, mentally.  My frustration at not attracting the perfect job pops up with regularity on my mental screen, the way your tongue seems to find its way to a sore tooth.

I admit I am somewhat frustrated.  Life seems to be at a standstill.

But I am determined to believe that good things are coming.

_____________________________________________________________

Okay, I literally I had to stop typing to answer the phone.  The temp agency called about a job.

Temp to permanent and more money than I was making at my last job.

Phone interview tomorrow.

I am off to think happy thoughts that radiate through the Universe!