Banana Peel Time

Yeah, so I haven't been here for awhile.

I'd like to say life is delicious but it's not.

I took in some friends with no place to go and truly regret it.

There's been upsets, yelling, and, even stealing.

Hard to believe that someone you rescued would steal from you but there it is.

I remember years ago a friend picked up a hitchhiker. I met him. He was a Viet Nam vet. He showed me the scar on his back where he got shot.

He let him stay the night.

The hitchhiker stole his watch and escaped out the window (because he didn't have a key for the door).

Yeah, these things happen. Honestly haven't thought of that in years but similar situation.

I though I was over being codependent but apparently I'm not.

It feels so unkind to turn your back on someone, but, really, they have the same connection to their Higher Self and the Universe that I do. Maybe they don't know it, but they do.

I think bad things are happening because it's time to move in. Move on from old relationships, old houses, old ways, old things.

I checked Point of Power, which I hadn't done for a long time and received this message:

When your whole world is going to hell, you are going to heaven. And the kingdom of heaven is within you.

It's true, too.

Believe me, I want to sit and berate myself for causing this situation but what good would it do?

I've learned my lesson. Really painful lesson. Really expensive lesson (in more ways than one).

The truth is, though, that whatever I've lost, well, at some point, I'm going to "lose" it all.

I'm going to drop the body, kick the frame, and everything will just left behind.

No matter what it is, no matter how valuable, no matter how cherished.

It's all just an illusion anyway......

Faith...

Isa 43:16 Thus says the LORD, Who makes a way through the sea And a path through the mighty waters... 

In my meditation today, I was thinking about how do you completely trust the Universe for everything.

This is what popped into my mind:

"Do you doubt the sun?"

I thought about this for some time. 

Well, no, I have never doubted that the sun will come up. 

Nope, not once, not ever, never.

Well, that's the kind of faith you need to be absolutely sure something will manifest.

Now, I know, that's a formidable amount of belief.

But, just imagine for a minute, what you could create if you believed the Universe could manifest your creation the way you believed the sun would come up tomorrow.

Because the Universe can make a way that, I assure you, you would have NEVER thought of.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18-19)

So, why am I here exactly?

I've been thinking of this a lot.

Why exactly am I on this planet?

Here, now?

I've thought this place was bizarre ever since I could think.

There are some really really strange people on this planet.

I often think I don't know why I'm here.

Maybe I'm here for the apocalypse.

Apocalypse means unveiling, not the end of the world.

Certainly seems like there is a lot of unveiling going on lately. (See Weinstein scandal).

Tooling around the internet (as I am wont to do...LOL), I saw this today on Rob Brezsny's site, Free Will Astrology:

"What's the Most Important Question for You to Ask Today?

You possess exceptional capacities that are absolutely unique. You're a masterpiece unlike any other that has ever lived in the history of the world.

Furthermore, the precise instructions you need to ripen into your special talents have always been with you, even from the time before you were born. In the words of psychologist James Hillman, you have a soul's code.

You might also call it the mission you came to Earth to carry out; the divine blueprint that contains the open secret of how to be perfectly, unpredictably yourself; the master plan that is your heart's deepest desire.

Would you like help in deciphering it? The Divine Intelligence Formerly Known as God is always on call, ready to help. It's your birthright to ask Her a specific question every day about what you need to do next to express your soul's code; it's also your birthright to receive a response. 

The divine revelation may not be as unambiguous as a little voice in your head. It might appear in the form of a TV commercial, an odd dream, or an encounter with a stranger. It could be demanding and difficult, delivering information you'd rather not have to deal with. Or it might show up as a clear and simple feeling of knowing exactly what to do, and it could be easy and fun.

What question will you ask the Divine Wow today?"

Well, okay, then. I've decided to ask everyday for a sign. Why the heck am I here and what exactly am I supposed to do next.

I'll let you know if I hear anything...

                                  I am safe in the arms of the Universe.

When I woke up, the feelings tried to return, but I successfully fought them off.

I just kept repeating "I am safe in the arms of the Universe."

This is a hard truth to believe.

We are taught over and over again to be careful, to watch out, to expect calamity.

It's a sensible thing to teach a child, I suppose, but is it true?

I noticed something interesting when I was repeating it to myself.

As I repeated it, my muscles began to relax.

It is interesting that I am subconsciously "girding my loins" for battle, even when there is no danger.

I am going to meditate on this later today. I want to inculcate that feeling until it's automatic.


                                I am safe in the arms of the Universe.

So.....

So, lately, life is not so easy.

I wake up depressed.

I am really not used to this.

I'm not really sure what is causing it.

There is no real reason for it.

A few irritating people around me but no reason to be that upset.

Gradually, as the day passes, I work my way out of it.

Usually by listening to Abraham.

My temp agency emails me job postings.

There was one in Horsham.

Now, there really is no easy way to get from Philly to Horsham. It's pretty much just a straight run up Broad Street, in city traffic, with lots and lots of traffic lights.

In short, it sucks.

I though about applying but decided not to.

Later in the day, though, a thought crossed my mind.

A thought that really changed everything.

"That job is just not good enough for me."

That's what I thought.

I was actually surprised by my own thought.

(Is that possible? Apparently, it is.)

The more I thought about it, the more I it felt totally right.

Yes, that job is not good enough for me. Of course that job is not good enough for me.

Why?

Because I create my own reality.

Why would I create that crappy reality?

A job with a torturous commute?

Been there, done that.

The more I though about that, the more my mood lifted.

I've created many wonderful experiences, including great jobs.

I can continue to create many wonderful experiences.

I don't have to settle.

I wasn't created to settle.

I was created in the image of God herself to have anything I could conceive.

Message from the Universe received!

Turning Down a Job

So my temp agency emailed and offered me a chance to try a job in Yardley.

They wanted me to take a two-hour editing test.

Yeah, that sounds like fun...NOT.

My first though was "ugh." Yardley. Ugh, editing. Ugh, taking tests.

So I told them Yardley was too far. It's really close to my old job.

It sounded perfect for my a colleague who just got laid off so I put the recruiter and her in touch.

They came back and said I could work remotely, was I still interested?

I told them my colleague was a better fit.

Now, I haven't told anyone about this.

Everyone would think I was crazy.

"You're crazy! You're turning down work!"

Honestly, it felt like a test from the Universe.

Did I really mean what I say? I am determined not to take a job out of desperation or for any other reason but that I really really want to do it.

I'm going to tell the agency, talk to me after Labor Day!

I'm not working this month.

Also, I'm not working any job that makes me think "ugh."

I know the Universe can bring me a great job, a job I'll love, a job with people I'll love.

I'm good. I'll know what to do when it arrives.

I'm trusting the Universe and I'm happy.

North vs South

So, this is this is interesting. My north node is in Scorpio, my south node is in Taurus.

The rules below are my particular astrology.


Release (Taurus south node): Attachment to luxury, earthly appetites and overindulgence, being too practical, sticking with what you know, hiding in a comfort zone, working harder not smarter, loyalty at your own expense, always being the provider, holding energy in your throat chakra.

Embrace (Scorpio north node): Spirituality, connection to the universe/divine, spiritual fulfillment, unspoken connections, mystery, allowing others to help you financially, passive income, joint financial ventures, releasing energy through your sacral chakra.

Hmm, apparently, I need to be less practical, stop sticking to the familiar, and embrace my connection to the divine.

Yeah, I can do that.